Tormented (1960)

Tom Stewart, once a prowling bachelor, is settling down with his fiancee Meg. Unhappy however is his old flame Vi, who wants Tom all for herself. And if she can't have him, no-one can, and she'll release compromising letters. Tom confronts her on a rickety lighthouse, and Vi gets too close to the edge and falls. Hanging by a thread, she begs Tom to save her, but he lets her fall, and pretends nothing ever happened. This soon becomes increasingly difficult when he starts having visions and visitations from a ghostly Vi, still intent on = all to herself...

Noted B-movie directer Bert I Gordon is very well known for his giant monster pictures. From The Amazing Colossal Man and its sequel, to other 'gems' like King Dinosaur, or The Giant Spider Invasion, he definitely built himself a niche. That's what make 1960 film Tormented so unique-It's a down-to-Earth ghost story!

Tormented is an effective little film. Confined to a relatively small island and set of locations, and a well-crafted cast, it's not a complex film, in a good way, setting out to tell what it wants effectively. The story is never boring, paced well and always keeping you on your toes.

There's an abundance of scares here, and they're very well realised. Some are subtle, such as a met set of footprints appearing from nowhere while = walks on the beach, or the record scene. Some are much louder, such as the attack of the disembodied head, where Vi yells "TOM STEWART KILLED ME!". Lucky him he's the only one who could hear her then]! The weirdest scene by far is the wedding, and I was confused by how much was actually happening and how much of this acid trip was all in Tom's head. That's all I'll say, and there's plenty more to surprise you as you watch!

The protagonist Tom is interestingly the real villain. While not a murderer technically, he still let someone die, and it's interesting getting a look into his psyche, and how he justifies his actions, as well as how quickly his so-called principles break down under pressure.

The ethereal Vi is neat too, teetering between sympathetic woman done wrong, and psycho ghost! It's clear that while she may have been a victim, she either had her own nasty streak, or acquired one in the afterlife. Being murdered does tend to piss you off I guess.

Fiancee Meg is nice enough, though isn't hugely interesting. Her young sister Sandy on the other hand is simply adorable! She's so much fun, and does well with serious moments too. It's great when the comic relief is able to effectively add/contribute to the emotional/dramatic moments.  The blind housekeeper/landlady (two things I imagine being blind would hold you back from excelling at!) is pretty cool. She's perceptive and wise.

The remainder of the cast are fine, from a woefully unhip blackmailer (who's really intent on claiming his $5 bucks! I get inflation is a thing, but man, cut your losses!), to Meg's parents. Her father in particular is a dick! ====.

{The plot to Tormented moves along very well, with the characters }

The effects here are neat! It's a more subtle affair than the likes of The Amazing Colossal Man, but there are still some = here. The ghostly Vi is well realised, never looking unconvincing. The disembodied head effect is simultaneously effective in part and amusing, with an obvious mannequin head in some shots.

The music in Tormented also plays a big part. There are many spooky tracks playing, creating an eerie feel. Between the story, imagery, and the music, this film sure lives up to its title!

Tormented is a really neat film, and shows that for all his goofiness at times, Bert I Gordon was a talented filmmaker, and even f you gave him a little, he'd still give back a lot! This is an effective ghost story with enough spooks and laughter to keep you entertained...

Annabelle Hooper and the Ghosts of Nantucket (2016)

A few weeks ago I was in a big Nancy Drew mood, which strikes me on occasion. I rewatched the fabulous 2007 film, and discovered a new adaption!...Which I hated! 10 minutes in and I literally wanted to murder everyone involved. After I stopped watching, another film caught my attention-Annabelle Hooper and the Ghosts of Nantucket. 'Hmmm, sounds like a Nancy Drew ripoff,' I thought, 'Surely it can't be worse than that last film! And god knows I'm a sucker for Nancy Drew derivatives! Bring it on!'...

Sleuthing teenager and budding author Annabelle Hooper is taken to Nantucket by her parents for a holiday. Her father is hoping this trip expands her horizons, and opens up her writer's block. It begins to with its pretty and rustic scenery, but soon Annabelle starts seeing more than she bargained for, when she realises their new house is haunted. Together with some new friends she sets out to discover the history of the house and the island,

Coming straight from Canada (actually Massachusetts, but same thing basically), Annabelle Hooper and the Ghosts of Nantucket is a pretty good time to be had, and great for kids and teens! It's a spooky tale of the supernatural, that knows not to talk down to its audience. That's not to say it's a legitimately gripping = in league with The Changeling or The Haunting, but it's never like a throwaway Disney film (not to harp on those though, as they can be fun in a stupid or legit way), and some scenes are genuinely tense!

The plot is quite well thought out. Even though some of the twists are very, *very* predictable, you enjoy the road getting there, and there are some elements I honestly really appreciated! For example, you know how ghosts in movies are often cryptic, and don't just come right out and say something (and you wish they were corporeal so your popcorn would hit them)? Well Ghosts of Nantucket is in the same League as Realms of the Haunting, in that the ghost is not only talkative (after a certain point), but upfront and helpful! Thank god! It's amazing how refreshing one little touch can be.

 

Really my only huge issue with the plot is that it takes forever for the prologue to be connected with the rest of the plot, and does raise more questions than it answers (if the ghosts aren't bad, why were those kids running out in mortal terror?).

The Fiddler's Green conceit is pretty high concept, and a little silly. Everyone also seems to treat it pretty casually, while also acknowledging it as something world-changing. This confused me a little, to be honest, and as I watched I was never sure if Fiddler's Green was literally a magical place, or if it was just a lush Tahitian island with lots of oil or something. I was surprised that the unseen mastermind so readily believes in magic! Props to him for not being a skeptic.

That leads nicely into the matter of this property's future. Ghosts of Nantucket is a perfectly acceptable/= standalone feature, but it lays a few seeds to be explored later, such as the unseen employer of the two villains. He's like a Blofeld figure, although less in the action, which I kinda appreciate. on one hand I would've liked to see more of him and got to know the character at least a little, but this way the movie has the chance o focus purely on its own story and cast, and leave future stuff for future movies.

The scares in this movie was mostly well crafted. There are a few jump scares (often clumped together in the same scene!), but they're not horrible ones, and it goes easy on them after the first quarter. The = are mostly pretty subtle in their creepiness, relying on effective music or silence to get across =. Later on the plot overtakes the scariness (especially once we realise pretty quickly that the ghosts are benevolent), but there are still some eerie scenes here and there, like he musical ghosts (singing? Not so great. Tone? Bloody spot on!)

The cast of characters in Ghosts of Nantucket is a colourful one. This isn't necessarily a good thing though. The lead is pretty good. Plucky and resourceful, in a believable enough way. Her = Maddie on the other hand talks in the most obnoxiously genius way imagineable! If she was meant to be autistic or something I guess it could make sense, but otherwise, not really. Thankfully she's still a good character, and this habit becomes less pronounced as the movie goes on.

Jake is the straight man, and the one always =. Thankfully he does genuinely care and contributes very effectively in some scenes, so he's never useless or just an annoying whiner. A weaker link is Billy. He's not terrible, and he does improve as the movie goes on, but he gives off serial killer vibes, and could not have been more obvious if the words 'I am a ghost' were emblazoned on his forehead. He's also a bit intrusive early on, and I was thinking "Dude, no-one invited you!". Like I said though, he gets better in a few ways, and most of these issues cease to matter after a while.

Then there are the villains, Argyle and Tweed, who are the most over-the-top guys imaginable! They act like they're in an amateur-drama production, and dress accordingly. They have their annoying moments, but also some amusing ones too. They rarely feel like serious threats though. The supporting cast can be pretty overbearing at times too. Never enough to be too bad, but it still might =  I at least respect the film though for not making everyone dull cardboard cutouts. It went the extra mile/put the effort into making everyone distinct, so even if they didn't succeed, I still applaud their effort

Everything I said above covers the acting as well as the characters. The main group are the best, a little wooden or umconvincing at worst, but pretty neat and impressive at best. It's some of the adults who deliver the worst performances (or the most eccentric, depending on your point of view).

The location in this movie is great! It really brings Nantucket to life, and makes you wanna visit. If this was designed even a little to draw tourists in, it succeeded with me!

Annabelle Hooper and the Ghosts of Nantucket may have its problems, and it's not a Nancy Drew knockoff, unfortunately, but I found it to be a perfectly satisfactory film in its own right. I recommend it for those wanting a nice teen ghost film, with a healthy touch of mystery...

Godzilla vs Megalon (1973)

The Godzilla series has been through a few highs and lows over the highs, and a few tonal shifts. It started out as a very grim and serious parable about the horrors of nuclear testing, then gradually morphed into lighthearted monster bashes, where Godzilla is a more benevolent figure. I like these changes, as it always neat the series never got stale or boring. It was ever changing based on what the public felt like or what the producers wanted to tell.

The undersea kingdom of Seatopia is under threat due to the careless underground nuclear testing of the world's governments. As a last resort, they send up the monster Megalon, a gigantic beetle god, to wreak havoc, and arrange for their agents to sabotage a scientist's new robot Jet Jaguar. The robot is successfully taken over, but inventor Goro, his little brother Rokuro, and friend Hiroshi fight back, and gain back control of their faithful robot friend, instructing him to bring help from Monster Island. Megalon is on the warpath and only Godzilla may be strong enough to beat him...

While it's derided by some as being the worst Godzilla entry, Godzilla vs Megalon has always had an audience, from people watching ironically in a 'so bad it's good' way, to those sincerely enjoying it too like me, and even some critics of the time who were otherwise unfavourable to these kinds of films recognised it as just a harmless piece of fun. I think it's just so good-natured a film that it's hard to dislike.

The biggest problem the movie faces is in it's main character. Godzilla is barely in this movie! He shows up in the opening, then takes another 45 minutes to appear! And he doesn't get involved in the action until the last 20  of the film. It's not that we don't get enough Kaiju in this movie, we just don't get enough Godzilla.

Jet Jaguar meanwhile gets the lion's share of screentime, and he's great. Visually cool, and with lots of character despite never saying a word, he's a fun hero! The reason this even is a Godzilla film is because the producers were worried that JJ wouldn't be able to carry a film on his own, but for me this couldn't be further from the truth. I can understand their worry since it was a new untested character, but he works great, and could easily carry a solo feature. In fact he kinda does considering how absent the Big G is most of the time!

Megalon is a fun new monster, with a distinctive appearance. A giant beetle with drills for hands and a missile firing mouth. He moves in a believably clunky way, due to his size and big  metal attachments. He gets moments both of strength and amusing defeat, like when he accidentally swallows one of his own bombs.

Also returning is Gigan. You remember, the giant robot chicken with hooks for hands and a buzzsaw on his chest! Aren't the Japanese fun? Gigan's debt outing isn't exactly a fondly remembered film, so it's nice to see him make a return. It allows for the return of this fan-favourite monster, it lets the film be a nice even tag-team affair, and it lets this poor put-upon monster appear in a good film this time! It's not his fault he had a bad monster agent!

Kaiju films always face the same problem. You simply can't have  a movie that's 90 minutes of monsters fighting and nothing else. And yet they're who the audience want to see. So if you're saddled with a human sub-plot, it had better be interesting or fun! Thankfully the one here isn't half bad. It's not the most complex of stories, but it's well told, has competent heroes and fun action. It also has a good message to send without being forced or obvious about it. It's just clear and up-front.

One problem I had with the story overall is that the Seatopians don't really get a resolution. They are mentioned casually at the end, but more as part of the moral. i.e. I hope our countries stop this nuclear testing, so the Seatopians can live in peace. Only then will no more monsters attack us. This isn't a huge deal, and that closing message does work, but I did wish there was a bit more of them, because while their clothes and city looks silly, it's also pretty interesting, and ripe for exploration.

There are lots of little touches to this movie that I found amusing. The date for instance. It's set in the year 197X. Wow, 7X? What a year that was! It's funny to me that they did this to make the date ambiguous, as futuristic gadgets might not come to pass in 1973, but if you keep the date a mystery, you don't have to worry about people in the future poking fun. And yet they kept in the decade! Surely 19XX would've been the more sensible solution.

There's also a hilarious moment where a radio announcer very casually announces the appearance of a new monster marching towards Tokyo. Typical, happens every Tuesday I bet.

Something I think about the lighthearted Godzilla films, and indeed Kaiju movies in general, is the level of destruction. We see buildings being toppled over, landmarks destroyed, and things like that, but yet never really any casualties. The sheer amount of casualties that would come from buildings being totalled would be too grim for such a goofy movie as Godzilla vs. Megalon anyway. Here's my theory! After the first few monster attacks, Japan installed special bunkers with super fast lifts in their buildings. Break glass in case of monster attack. So whenever these kaiju come knocking, everyone can just zip down to safety before their workplaces are demolished. Makes sense really, given the tone of these films!

Godzilla vs Megalon was one of the lowest budgeted films in the serious, but honestly you can't tell! It works well within its means, some scenes are really impressive, like the lake draining and its aftermath, and the monsters all look great, including newcomer Megalon.

The other thing I've read about this film is that it uses stock footage from 6 other Kaiju/Godzilla films, but I find that hard to believe. Either it's not true, or it is, and this did a  really good job of hiding the seams! Even watching this with that supposed fact in mind, I wouldn't be able to tell. Maybe I could recognise a building or two, but overall this is edited and arranged so well that I find it hard to believe it's got stock footage from 6 different movies.

Something to be commended about Godzilla vs Megalon is how quickly is was rushed out! Filmed in only a few weeks, on very short notice, the fact that the movie is as watchable and well made as it is really speaks wonders to Toho's production team! Simplicity really worked in this film's favour.

The music here is lots of fun. We get many leitmotifs, good tracks, especially during the spectacular beatdown at the end. The crowning moment for me and many others though is the surprise at the end! I won't reveal what it is, but suffice to say you couldn't ask for a better way to close out a movie than this!

The actors here all do fine jobs. Some of the Seatopians are a bit goofy (the white guy looks a little unconvincing), but overall the performances are fine, and the kid is never annoying. He's pretty fun, never getting in the way, and always playing a part.

Overall, Godzilla vs Megalon is a great time to be had! It's a fun introduction to the series, nails the tone and monster on monster action, and while it's not on the same level as the gripping and deadly serious original film, well nothing is, so that's too high a standard to meet anyway. It's just pure entertainment, from start to finish!...

The Adventures of Shurik: Operation Y (1965) and Kidnapping, Caucasian Style (1967)

It's a commonly held belief that Russians are a miserable lot, and while their classical literature may certainly reflect this, they're not entirely without their sense of humour (thank God!). This is most evident in the Soviet cinema of the 20th century. Numerous all-time classics have sprung from this period, some being =, and others even breaking past the language and cultural barrier and finding equal fame in other places! Today I'll be looking at two of the best-The many adventures of nerdy but noble Shurik!...

Operation Y and Shurik's Other Adventures

All over Russia, the hapless young everyman Shurik finds himself in all sorts of =, from hostile coworkers at construction sites, to bands of criminals trying to rob warehouses, or    college.

A true classic of Russian cinema, Operation Y and Shurik's Other Adventures

The film takes inspiration from classic silent cinema. We have dialogue of course, and some great dialogue, but a lot of the film is devoted to wordless shenanigans, from Shurik and the violent Fedya's wars around the workplace, to Shurik and fellow student Lida's blissfully unaware study period. The comedy here is very creative, and really does the old genre justice, delivering many laughs.

The first segment, Workmate, is a very amusing series of struggles as unwilling ruffian Fedya  is stuck in community service with the guy who pissed him off earlier. Intent on getting his revenge, he's constantly making things difficult for Shurik, but always finding himself on the receiving end of = punishments

The second, Deja Vu, is one of two halves. The first is a mostly silent series of mishaps and misunderstandings, while the second is a romance. It's sweet, and I like that there are never any nasty twists and turns for the couple. It's just a lightearted love story blossoming between these two strangers.

And lastly, the titular Operation Y is equally simple as the first, but likewise uses this to its advantage. The plot is mostly a battle of wits and attrition between Shurik and the three burglars in this warehouse, and while there were a couple of times I wished for a little more, it's otherwise perfectly done. The humour's always on point, the physicality is great, and the actors are all clearly masters of their craft. There's always lots of talent on display in this film.

The linking character throughout these shorts is hapless student Shurik. To me he felt like Charlie Chaplin's Tramp. Each story is a different continuity, always showing the same lead character. He may be in a different workplace one story, another city the next, meeting a girlfriend at college, or at home in Siberia with a family. I like this breezy touch, and thankfully it's never confusing.

The other characters are great fun, from hostile crooks or coworkers, loopy bosses, devious students, and = girls. Lida is the best character besides Shurik, and despite only appearing in one segment, they make an iconic pair, to the point where statues have been erected in Moscow/Russia of them together! What a nice tribute.

The only issue I really had with Operation Y is its lack of a main ending. We get endings to each of the little segments, but I dunno, it felt like something was missing when the movie ended where it did. I suppose a way of explaining it is that it felt like the ending of a TV episode versus that of a movie.

The acting here is great. Aleksandr Demyanenko is perfect as Shurik, endearing and haplessly charming. Natalya Seleznyova is super cute and fun as Lida, getting across a range of different emotions. Aleksei Smirnov is amusing as the ever grumpy boar Fedya. The comedy trio of Nikulin, Vistin,and Morgunov entertain thoroughly, even taking a bit of the limelight away from Shurik in the last act, which was mixed. They're great, though I wished he appeared more.

With this being in essence a silent film for much of the runtime, music plays a big part here. It succeeds superbly. There are plenty of fun tracks, with =, but there are also many sound effects in the tunes too. That's a touch that's not often seen in modern day films, but moreso the silent era, to compensate for the lack of sound in the movie itself. It was always a great workaround, and lends lots of fun atmosphere and =s to the proceedings.

The settings in Operation Y are great! We've got a lot of variation, from bustling city streets, to detailed construction sites, cold/icy Siberian outposts, and leisurely parks and = of Moscow, which really sell the romance and = of the characters, and makes it feel as comfy and inviting as Paris. I applaud the movie for shaking things up so much visually in each segment, and truly letting each one feel different.

Overall, Operation Y and Shurik's Other Adventures is a great time to be had!

Kidnapping, Caucasian Style, or the New Adventures of Shurik

Shurik is working as an ethnologist, and has travelled to the Caucasus mountain range to write about some local customs and traditions. While in a pastoral village he meets the pretty girl Nina, and despite a rocky introduction thanks to an infatuated donkey, the two hit it off. Shurik isn't the only one with an attraction to Nina however, as the corrupt mayor wants her for himself, and makes a deal with her uncle to sell the girl [for some sheep]. To this end the uncle hires three unscrupulous crooks to kidnap Nina, tricking Shurik into taking part.

Two years after his first adventures, Shurik returned for more in the 1967 sequel Kidnapping, Caucasian Style, or the New Adventures of Shurik (also known as The Caucasian Prisoner, and...etc). It started out life as another [anthology] film like its predecessor, but for whatever reason, during production/ it was decided to fold the two stories together into one. On one hand I did miss the episodic structure, and wished the series could've stayed more consistent, but that aside this is a fun movie. It runs at a brisk 80-ish minutes, never drags on, and is the kind of adventure Shurik would get himself into.

The story is well written, with a few twists and turns, and great character interactions. No-one feels unnecessary or annoying, and everything happens with reason. The story never upstages the jokes, nor vice versa. Everything culminates in a great chase, which feels just the right length, never going on forever, or over too soon.

This is a hilarious film, with an abundance of great gags, well designed setpieces, and funny dialogue! The humour in Kidnapping, Caucasian Style is so influential/=beloved that it's still quoted in Russia today, and you can see why.

This film is not only rich in comedy, but also in social commentary. It examines the barbaric old brideal kidnapping custom through a comedic lens. Despite this kinda heavy subject matter, the film is never brought down by it. It manages to stay funny and lighthearted, giving the material the attention it deserves and not treating it as a joke, while also making the audience laugh. The movie also focuses on government corruption, and how easy it could be for an official to have an enemy committed to a lunatic asylum with just a word in someone's ear.

The only moment I was awkward during the movie was when Shurik is tricked and the kidnap scene, but while my face was just about to explode from awkwardness, he realises the truth almost immediately and sets out to rescue Nina and make up for his mistake.

The characters here are a little numerous at times, but it's not a large cast, so it's only these guys we're watching, rather than having a dozen other minor players to keep track of. Shurik is just as good as in the last entry, coming across as noble and heroic, despite his clumsiness and sometimes naivete. He's never stupid or useless either. Despite being tricked, he works out what's happened and immediately springs into action, also working out Saakhov's involvement. Nina is lively and adorable, and has a nice relationship with Shurik. She's never skeptical or cold. Nina is a tough girl too, and despite being kidnapped, she's quite proactive, getting her own attempts at escaping, as well as funny acts of rebellion (pro tip, don't lock in your kidnapped bride in with your expensive 96 piece dining set).

The romance  The two actors and characters share plenty of chemistry, and are really sweet together! Unfortunately after Nina's kidnap, she's stuck in one part of the Caucasus and Shurik's in another, first institutionalised, then searching. The two don't reunite until the very end, and even then the moment where she finds out he's innocent is totally offscreen.

Besides that, there's nothing really wrong with Kidnapping, Caucasian Style. A couple of little things I wished were different, but is otherwise perfectly fine as is. There was never a moment that I found bad. Until the end, anyway! The film concludes how you'd expect, with Shurik and Nina travelling  but then it looks like Nina abandons him! I doubt this was the intention, but it really looked like =. The = left a sour taste in my mouth as a result. It had the = to go with a hilarious gag to close out the movie on, but instead it just ended on a = downer.

The music here is very good! We've got a great assortment of fun and jaunty tracks, with the best for me being the ones playing over the chases. There are also a few songs, and they're great fun! The singing is nice, the lyrics funny, and the melodies are ones you can really shake it too!

The locations in Kidnapping, Caucasian Style are really pretty. Shot on location in the Caucasus mountains, they're always in the forefront, and it almost feels like a character in its own right, if that makes any sense. This sure lives up to its title, delivering the Caucasus in spades!

The acting here is once again a high point. Aleksandr Demyanenko is perfect as Shurik, and embodies all of his characteristics perfectly. Natalya Varley (voiced by Nadezdha Rumyantseva) is fun and quirky/lively as Nina, always having an impish charm. Yuri Nikulin, Georgy Vitsin, and Evgeny Morgunov make for a great villainous trio, while Vladimir and Frunzik Mkrtchyan amuse too. Ruslan Akhmetov doesn't get a big role, but has some great moments.

Kidnapping, Caucasian Style is a hilarious film, and a great follow-up to Operation Y. These are a fantastic pair, and a great introduction to Russian cinema. It's truly a shame that there were never more, because Shurik is such a rich character, and he deserved more spots in the limelight...

Kidnapping, Caucasian Style, or the New Adventures of Shurik

Shurik is working as an ethnologist, and has travelled to the Caucasus mountain range to write about some local customs and traditions. While in a pastoral village he meets the pretty girl Nina, and despite a rocky introduction thanks to an infatuated donkey, the two hit it off. Shurik isn't the only one with an attraction to Nina however, as the corrupt mayor wants her for himself, and makes a deal with her uncle to sell the girl [for some sheep]. To this end the uncle hires three unscrupulous crooks to kidnap Nina, tricking Shurik into taking part.

Two years after his first adventures, Shurik returned for more in the 1967 sequel Kidnapping, Caucasian Style, or the New Adventures of Shurik (also known as The Caucasian Prisoner, and...etc). It started out life as another [anthology] film like its predecessor, but for whatever reason, during production it was decided to fold the two stories together into one. On one hand I did miss the episodic structure, and wished the series could've stayed more consistent, but that aside this is a fun story. It runs at a brisk 80-ish minutes, never drags on, and is the kind of adventure Shurik would get himself into.

The story is well written, with a few twists and turns, and great character interactions. No-one feels unnecessary or annoying, and everything happens with reason. The story never upstages the jokes, nor vice versa. Everything culminates in a great chase, which feels just the right length, never going on forever, or over too soon.

This is a hilarious film, with an abundance of great gags, well designed setpieces, and funny dialogue! The humour in Kidnapping, Caucasian Style is so influential/=beloved that it's still quoted in Russia today, and you can see why.

This film is not only rich in comedy, but also in social commentary. It examines the barbaric old brideal kidnapping custom through a comedic lens. Despite this kinda heavy subject matter, the film is never brought down by it. It manages to stay funny and lighthearted, giving the material the attention it deserves and not treating it as a joke, while also making the audience laugh. The movie also focuses on government corruption, and how easy it could be for an official to have an enemy committed to a lunatic asylum with just a word in someone's ear.

The only moment I was awkward during the movie was when Shurik is tricked and the kidnap scene, but while my face was just about to explode from awkwardness, he realises the truth almost immediately and sets out to rescue Nina and make up for his mistake.

The characters here are a little numerous at times, but it's not a large cast, so it's only these guys we're watching, rather than having a dozen other minor players to keep track of. Shurik is just as good as in the last entry, coming across as noble and heroic, despite his clumsiness and sometimes naivete. He's never stupid or useless either. Despite being tricked, he works out what's happened and immediately springs into action, also working out Saakhov's involvement. Nina is lively and adorable, and has a nice relationship with Shurik. She's never skeptical or cold. Nina is a tough girl too, and despite being kidnapped, she's quite proactive, getting her own attempts at escaping, as well as funny acts of rebellion (pro tip, don't lock in your kidnapped bride in with your expensive 96 piece dining set).

The romance  The two actors and characters share plenty of chemistry, and are really sweet together! Unfortunately after Nina's kidnap, she's stuck in one part of the Caucasus and Shurik's in another, first institutionalised, then searching. The two don't reunite until the very end, and even then the moment where she finds out he's innocent is totally offscreen.

Besides that, there's nothing really wrong with Kidnapping, Caucasian Style. A couple of little things I wished were different, but is otherwise perfectly fine as is. There was never a moment that I found bad. Until the end, anyway! The film concludes how you'd expect, with Shurik and Nina travelling  but then it looks like Nina abandons him! I doubt this was the intention, but it really looked like he gets ditched. The end left a sour taste in my mouth as a result. It had the opportunity to go with a hilarious gag to close out the movie on, but instead it just ended on a bloody downer.

The music here is very good! We've got a great assortment of fun and jaunty tracks, with the best for me being the ones playing over the chases. There are also a few songs, and they're great fun! The singing is nice, the lyrics funny, and the melodies are ones you can really shake it too!

The locations in Kidnapping, Caucasian Style are really pretty. Shot on location in the Caucasus mountains, they're always in the forefront, and it almost feels like a character in its own right, if that makes any sense. This sure lives up to its title, delivering the Caucasus in spades!
The acting here is once again a high point. Aleksandr Demyanenko is perfect as Shurik, and embodies all of his characteristics perfectly. Natalya Varley (voiced by Nadezdha Rumyantseva) is fun and quirky/lively as Nina, always having an impish charm. Yuri Nikulin, Georgy Vitsin, and Evgeny Morgunov make for a great villainous trio, while Vladimir and Frunzik Mkrtchyan amuse too. Ruslan Akhmetov doesn't get a big role, but has some great moments.

Kidnapping, Caucasian Style is a hilarious film, and a great follow-up to Operation Y. These are a fantastic pair, and a great introduction to Russian cinema. It's truly a shame that there were never more, because Shurik is such a rich character, and he deserved more spots in the limelight...

Hawk the Slayer (1980)

In medieval England the evil warlord Voltan, the Dark One, is pillaging through the land, killing innocents and looting towns. His latest conquest is the kidnap of a local abbess, demanding a high ransom for her return. Wanting to rescue her but unwilling to pay a ransom for fear of the long-term consequences, the church tracks down brave warrior Hawk, who has an old connection with Voltan, and is eager for revenge. Together with the help of a diverse band of fighters, Hawk must take the fight to Voltan and end his reign of evil for good...

Hawk the Slayer is the ultimate in fantasy cheese from the 80s! Taking its place proudly alongside such films as Deathstalker, the Ator series, and more, it's a =. The film has always had a bit of a spotty reputation, and based on the clips I'd seen and things I'd read, I had no reason to suspect/think otherwise. However, now I've finally seen it, and can safely say that I really enjoyed myself!

The story to Hawk the Slayer is pretty traditional stuff, though the convent aspect is a pretty neat one, not seen terribly often. All the expected cliches are amusing to see, and the story's never lazy, with nice developments, and good foreshadowing.

Something I like about the story is how small-scale it is. When you boil it down it's just about defusing a hostage situation with one nun. Epic fantasy plots are great, but it's also nice when a movie knows when to keep things small. Not every story needs to be the biggest thing ever, and it's good sometimes seeing a smaller story that's treated with just as much gravitas as something bigger.

The characters here are a neat and varied bunch. Getting to the leads first, Hawk is the strong but silent type. I wish he'd have opened his gob a little bit more, but you do at least get a bit of insight into his personality, and at times his actions speak louder than words.

Voltan the Dark One is a neat villain. The relationship the two have is well-defined, simple but effective. The story we're told in flashbacks is pretty cliched, and Hawk's girlfriend could've ended the movie much earlier if she's simply stabbed Voltan then untied Hawk, but then we wouldn't have this adventure, and Hawk would be leading a much more boring life. Voltan's explosive personality and sense of entitlement gives him an interesting presence. He's furious at Hawk for 'taking away' his love, but completely ignores that he murdered her, ignoring that and putting all the blame on Hawk the Seducer. Also interesting is the side of him we see when with the mysterious evil wizard. He becomes a lot more weak and desperate, almost submissive.

The most bizarre thing about these two brothers is the clear and obvious age difference! Jack Palance looks positively elderly (sorry Mr. Palance!), and yet he and Hawk are supposed to be siblings? Perhaps it would've been better if he was Hawk's uncle, and brother to the old man at the start of the movie. Voltan having a son Hawk's age also raises more questions, though the reveal that he's adopted does clear that up a little. Lastly, I did wonder why Voltan was American, but at least the casting of yank John Terry the hero makes that consistent.

Hawk's crew consists of crippled warrior Ranulf, Crow the elf, Baldin the dwarf, Gort the giant, and an unnamed witch who Hawk simply calls 'woman'. Dude, I get she might be a bit secretive, but you can at least ask her for her bloody name! The witch is a suitably mysterious and enigmatic lady, while Gort is the more jovial and talkative bruiser of the group. Baldin is amusing enough comic relief, and serious when the time calls for it, and silent but weird Crow almost got too little to do, but had some very nice scenes later on. Ranulf is pretty neat too, but only gets to do so much when the cast is this big. Together they're a pretty overpowered bunch, but the movie knows not to make them too unstoppable. As for who makes it through the finale, some losses are very well done, but others happen very abruptly, not feeling necessary.

The supporting cast are decent to mixed. The abbess doesn't appear much, but is likeable, while the other head nun you can see where she's coming from but groan as you see what she does. Voltan's impetuous son Drogo is pretty ridiculous though. [He's =.] "I am no messenger. But I will give you a message...OF DEATH!". Overall, there aren't really any failures in the cast, and while it was touch and go whether there were too many, or if they were all utilised properly, none really felt superfluous.

The acting here is quite varied. It ranges from effective, with both boisterous and quieter subtle performances, to a little wooden, to outright hammy! John Terry isn't a bad lead. He absolutely looks/nails the part, but while I wouldn't say he's emotionless, he could stand to show a bit more life. It would've made us care for him more, and made it seemed like Hawk cares. Then there's the great Jack Palance! How a cowboy actor from the States got cast in a British medieval fantasy is anyone's guess, but he's clearly having a lot of fun! He can get very over-the-top, laughably so in places (DROGOOOOO!!!), but he's a very distinct personality, and gives the movie a lot of character.

Aside from its main players, this is a who's who of British media talent, with actors/personalities like Bernard Bresslaw (getting the meatiest performance I've ever seen from the guy, delivering superbly!), Christopher Benjamin, Patricia Quinn, Roy Kinnear, Graham Stark, and more.

By far the best thing about Hawk the Slayer is the music. It has to be heard to be believed! In no other fantasy, or film period could you hear an 80s synth-pop  disco, mixed in with spaghetti western and oriental tunes! I know it sounds crazy, but the themes in this film are fantastic, and so much work has been put into them. They're cheesy at times, but in the best possible way, and never bad.

What I also really admire about the score though is that despite such an eclectic mix, it's never cluttered. The tunes are short and sweet, enough that you wish they'd last longer, but they never overstay their welcome, or sound like endless cacophonies. The western style whistles are cool, and never overused. The movie actually could've stood to use a few more in fact!

The effects are nifty. None are really bad, many are goofy, and everything convinces in the right ways. The costumes are all fun (especially Voltan's Darth Vader half-mask), the giants and dwarves/elves are suitably sized, and look decently convincing despite still being relatively human. There's plenty to see here, from flying magic swords, to lasers, floating magic circles, and more. Never a dull moment visually. That leads me into the movie's appearance. The locations are great! There's a very authentic feel to the arboreal surroundings, and I like the colour the film has. It's got a bit of medieval grime to it without looking colourless and grim. My only complaint is that the crew got a bit carried away with the fog machine in many scenes! It's like they were worried the film might look cheaper or not epic enough without a constant supply of smoke/haze. They were wrong.

The direction by Terry Marcel is quite good for the most part. Fight scenes are mostly rousing and fun, and introduction scenes and location bits are well-shot. The editing during the fight scenes can sometimes look weird though. The quick-cut effect they use to show arrows being shot superhumanly fast is cool, but it does look more like editing than anything the characters are actually doing, and the fights can get a bit chaotic at times. Some of them are also over very quickly!

I avoided Hawk the Slayer for years because I was worried it wasn't gonna be good, but it proved me so wrong! Some might enjoy it as a so-bad-it's-good film, but to me it genuinely is good, in an endearing and fun way. It's a shame we never got a follow-up as the movie's ending teases, as that could've been an extra slice of cheese for a nice fantasy pizza! As it is, this is a great way to spend a nice evening in...

A Beach Party Essay: The Perils of Eric von Zipper

It's that time of year again, to discuss the deeper artistic merits of the lauded Beach Party series, and once again chart the = journey of one Eric von Zipper, Rat Pack Esq.

This time round, the burgeoning musical star Sugar Kane has been = publicity stunts, and been = by a bunch'a no good stinkin' beach bums!


And even ends up facing off against a true/real kidnapper, who ties up the poor helpless Sugar onto a log of wood headed for a buzzsaw   And yet despite this brave struggle...von Zipper is knocked out almost immediately and Frankie Avalon saves the day. Why? Well because he loves silent films of course, and whoever saw Buster Keaton get the girl? Like 3 times outta 10! (this figure may be erroneous).