Saturday, March 22, 2014

The Revenant (2009)

Ugh, I've been looking forward to seeing 2009 zombedy The Revenant since I read a highly positive review a couple years back, and I finally watched it last night, and I was sorely disappointed!

I was so pissed off that I originally wasn't going to mention this film here, and just I'd just forget it over time, but no. There are too many glowing reviews on IMDb that talk about how this is an 'undiscovered classic', 'Deserves more credit than it gets', 'Is one of the best horror comedies of all time', and 'Forget Shaun of the Dead!'. Yeah, everyone has different opinions, but when I see so many glowing reviews for something I hate, and they say stuff like that, then I really have no other option than to speak up!

I really liked The Revenant for first half-hour, but the plot started to piss me off badly! The plot really is the main thing that tanked this movie for me. The acting's all good, the effects are good, but the terrible writing just kills it. There are stupid character decisions, bullshit moments, missed opportunities, and the whole thing just made me angry! Really frustrated!

Another big problem is the amount of swearing here. I swear, and there's nothing wrong with that of course, but this film goes WAAAY overboard! Almost every single line has the word 'fuck' in it at least once, and it got annoying only twenty minutes in! Imagine having to deal with the rest of the damn film!

The comedy was fine enough for the first quarter, but steadily declined. And as a comedy-horror, the two genres never really mesh. Films like Braindead, Shaun of the Dead, and Evil Dead II are all much better examples of the genre. You could do better with My Boyfriend's Back than The Revenant!

By the way, as an aside, there are so many people online (and on the DVD cover) claiming that The Revenant is 'Destined to become a cult classic!'. Go and research what a cult classic actually is, you goddamn idiots!

And that's all I have to say about this film. Not a whole lot, but enough to get the point across, I hope. It's so bad that you'd do good to rewatch Night of the Living Dead after just having read about this film, so you can see a real zombie film. Hell, a Jerry Warren zombie film is a better candidate than The Revenant! Avoid!


  1. Ha! You're in fine form, Chris! I've never seen 'The Revenant', so I just went and checked out Wikipedia and IMDb to see all the wild praise. It's amazing the way the internet can build this kind of mythology around a film. Or alternatively, destroy a film before it's even released.

  2. Thanks a lot, Emma! (Your avatar seems greyer.)

    Yeah. Apparently Ishtar is a pretty good movie, but some pissed off tradies screwed the film over somehow, and it somehow became known as the worst film ever made. There was a cartoon one-panel joke with Hell's video store, full of copies of Ishtar, and when the Author actually watched Ishtar, he apologized to the makers! haha!

    I do have another thing about the film to somewhat recommend. The theme on the DVD menu/ending credits is called Find You Waiting, by a band called The Shaggies. It's a pretty 'eh' song, except for the chorus, which aside from weird kool aid and puma stuff (?) is rockin'!

    There's a funny comment there, in Traditional Youtube eloquence-'lol great tune horrible movie'. haha!

  3. I'm so glad you mentioned the colour of my avatar! I thought I was going blind and insane. It spontaneously turned that sort of sepia tone on Blogger over the weekend. I have no idea why. *sigh*

    Haha. There are so many moronic comments on YouTube but sometimes they just hit the nail right on the head! ;)

  4. The movie so freaking long. It drags SO BAD through most of the middle.

  5. Yeah, I know! It's so drawn out it's painful. Give me a talky zombie film like Day of the Dead any day, because at least that had a brisk running time. Hmm, I suddenly feel like watching Day now! It's good to know that The Revenant only soured me to new zombie movies, rather than the whole genre.