The New Jersey city of Hoboken is in the midst of a crisis. Thanks to a trucking dispute, there may be no turkeys for Thanksgiving! Young lad Arthur is sent out by his dad to find a turkey before the shortage really kicks in. Instead a slight detour takes Arthur to the residence of a mad scientist, who's more than willing to give the boy a live chicken for the money...with a difference. No. 73, aka Henrietta, is a 10 foot chicken. Despite his surprise Arthur takes his new pet home, and they bond quickly. But will his parents accept her? And how will the rest of the community react?...
The Hoboken Chicken Emergency is an amazingly titled TV movie, based on a book. This is chintzy 80s TV in the best way, from the Scott Joplin soundalike music, to the almost-pantomime effects, and the kooky characters, right down to the VHS/channel bumpers. The story is basic and silly. It doesn't require you to turn your brain on, although this sense of childlike logic does make you wonder a few things!
When protagonist Arthur is out looking for a turkey, he notices a feathery commotion up a few stories, involving a strange man hanging out the window. So he decides it'd be a smart idea to go up and investigate! Thankfully he's not in a horror movie, and meets up with a mad scientist. Because of course they frequent New Jersey, and if you haven't seen 'em you're just not going to the right places. There he manages to walk away with a 266 pound superchicken for only $20 bucks! Might not've been what he wanted, but that's a great bargain!
Despite initial skepticism Arthur and Henrietta quickly become friends, and he even teaches her how to use a slide, and calms her down during a few local panics. But it's when he's forced by his father to take her back, and she escapes that the chaos really begins.
No-one in the film questions the existence of a giant chicken, and react as if a monster is on the loose, even coming up with an unflattering nickname. Henrietta feels very distressed by this, and begins vandalising the town in response. Kicking cars, knocking over bins, smashing windows, etc. So what's a town to do when tormented by mutant fowl? Well they try the Jaws route, hiring an out-of-town fixer, leading to a zany failed scheme. But it's Arthur who comes up with the winning idea, with the scientist's help. All Hoboken must do is remind Henrietta that she's a loved and valued part of the community! Naturally. They do this with emblazoned shirts, and billboards saying things like 'Have you hugged your chicken today?'.
This is enough to bring the community closer and warm them to Henrietta, ending her rampage. And there's a heartfelt reunion between a boy and his chicken, complete with multiple slow-motion replay. It's a schmaltzy conclusion, and one that may leave you groaning or clapping.
Peter Billingsley is a mixed lead. Some of his line deliveries are pretty bad, with awkward pauses. But others are decent, and he overall has a decent screen presence. You can totally see this as like an extended dress rehearsal for A Christmas Story! So fans of that movie, you owe much to Hoboken Chicken Emergency! The parents do fine, as does Clive Revill as the mad scientist. One of his disguises might be a little...questionable, but at least he's not actually in yellowface! Dick van Patten is fine as the shifty mayor, and Gabe Kaplan shows up for a short role. Alice Ghostley narrates the film, acting as though she's intimately acquainted with events, despite only having a couple of short scenes. And Henrietta plays her part well. Chickens are talented actors after all!
The effects here are...exactly what you'd expect on a TV budget! The opening credits look like they were drawn in crayon and put through a cheap slideshow. While other effects are fake, deliberately so. Giant chicken Henrietta is the main attraction, and she is suitably goofy. I don't think convincing is exactly the right word to describe her, but you can't deny it is a giant chicken! And it's well-designed, and just cheesy enough, but not too much of a joke.
The Hoboken Chicken Emergency is a cute little time waster, running at an easy 55 minutes. Nothing amazing, and very silly, but if you're after a zero-budget kids movie about giant chickens rampaging across New Jersey, this is perhaps your only chance. So enjoy!...
This post is for The Shortening, a blogathon set up by Emily of The Deadly Dolls House of Horror Nonsense.
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