Thursday, September 1, 2011

What Could Have Been

*sigh* If only my (now deleted) post for Fantasy Mission Force and Fire Dragon hadn't been cut in half by blogger, I had so much to say about them, namely Fire Dragon.

Fire Dragon is a 'redubsploitation' of Fantasy Mission Force. It's a very weird movie that, other than having screechingly bad soundtrack, has deleted scenes from FMF. Throughout the rest of the film is such sights like the cancer bullets from Videodrome, a girl who dresses like Trash from 1990: The Bronx Warriors, a woodenly dubbed hero, the film trying to nail the point home that the guy the heroes are talking to is in fact Jackie Chan and not a fill-in by having the camera constantly zoom in on posters of the man himself, a scene where the camera rests and focuses on a large metal pipe that takes up the whole screen for thirty whole seconds, to an awesome-looking POV plane downing into the ocean followed by a motorboat decapitation, to the downer ending where EVERYBODY but the main hero dies (which immediately follows the tacked-on FMF ending, wherein everybody also dies) to THE scene, where a JAPANESE-CAVEMAN-NAZI MIDGET JUMPS OUT OF A BIRTHDAY CAKE!

Getting that out of the way, I will have several reviews posted soon-

Crackdown Mission: The first Pierre Kirby/Godfrey Ho film to be reviewed on this blog (as best as one could review a film that's dubbed into German with no English subtitles)!

Inferno: Don 'The Dragon' Wilson being awesome (and a man-whore), and the surprising appearance of a now-famous Indian actor.

Scanner Cop: A surprisingly good spin-off to David Cronenberg's Scanners (and yes, Scanner Cop has a cool headsplosion)

The Punisher: Fun and brutal Dolph Lundgren film.

And Street Fighter: The Movie: Which, to get notes for my review, I'll have to watch it a third time (which, to some is three times too many, but to people like me, it's three times not enough)!

Watch out for all of those reviews this month, then I'll follow them with something special (Graboid alert!).


  1. 1 million 7 hundred thousand 9 hundred and 53 isn't enough times to watch Street Fighter!

  2. And as for these movies, I've yet to get reviews up of them yet due to extended computer trouble, so they'll have to wait a while, but be sure that everything will come together in time for Halloween! (Though I'll have to put my post series for Tremors: The Series on hold until after October and my Howlathon).