Half a Loaf of Kung Fu (1978)

Jiang is a young rascal, who goes from town to town trying to get easy work, or easy money. Eventually he stumbles into trouble when spying on an evil witch, and when he flees he witnesses a deadly martial arts encounter. When the two fighters leave each-other dead, he assumes the identity of the famous 'Whip Hero', and ends up allied with a group trying to transport precious cargo through the land. But many vicious parties want it, and will stop at nothing. It seems only Jiang and his appalling attempts at kung fu can save the day...

Half a Loaf of Kung Fu is one of Jackie's Chan's earlier efforts, after he'd managed to make a bit of a name for himself, but before his meteoric rise to fame, in China or abroad. As the amazing title suggests, this is one of the first comedies he did, and while it's not a total success, it's certainly a decent start, and as far as 1970s chopsocky goes it's fairly entertaining, if nothing special.

The film's biggest problem is that it's just a little disconnected, if that's the right word. The first act is predominately made up of Jackie arsing about, which is fine, but there are points where you'd wish it'd hurry up. It's at about the hour mark when things start coming together, and thankfully it's a culmination of elements that have been set up the whole movie, so while it may take a while getting here, at least it feels like a natural payoff.

The comedy in Half a Loaf of Kung Fu was a little hit or miss for me. Some jokes didn't land as well, while others had me laughing. It's never unfunny, it's just not as good, which is understandable for such an early film in Jackie's career. We are seeing his trademark sense of humour refine and develop as these films go on.

The movie undergoes a bit of a shift halfway through from a full-blown parody of the genre, to a more straightforward comedic kung fu story. This works pretty well, and while I wish it could've kept up the full-on parody all the way through, at least the movie doesn't go overboard with it.

The main hero is a bit of a scallywag, but in a fun way, and he possesses enough charisma and vague notion of talent to see him through his frequent battles, not to mention luck. The remainder of the cast are fun, even if they threaten to blend together at times. The two women are sweet, and are distinct at times, though some can be forgiven for thinking they are the same character (took me an hour before I realised that weren't). What the film really didn't need was two different vagabond kung fu mentors. I'd say ditch the older one, and keep the younger, who was infinitely more interesting.

The villains are a bit overstuffed and underused though. And they seem to die with startling regularity. We never really have the time to get attached to any. The most distinctive is the witch, but she barely appears, never does anything magical (unless you count her super jumping), and dies anticlimactically, 10 minutes before the end. This just leaves one opponent left, and their equally abrupt exit actually had me laughing, feeling like a perfect joking take on a final battle. Of course, it's entirely possible it wasn't intended as a joke, but oh well, let's be generous.

The action here is pretty generic, which is to say that it's good, just typical of the genre. But you can see the beginning of Jackie's moves here, with his playful and freeflowing poses and strikes. I particularly liked the final fight, where Jackie is picking up the scattered pages of a fighting manual, and applying all the moves as soon as he learns them.

The climax is divided into two halves, in a sense. When we first see all the parties converge for a big brawl in a wide open field, that opened the terrifying possibility that Half a Loaf's final fight would be 38 minutes long! But thankfully this first bit is more of a teaser, giving us a little taste of what's to come, before coming to a premature end, after which various other things happen.

The final fight has all the characters return, as if instinctively knowing their entrances will look great on camera, and it's enjoyable, but none of the fights come to a real end! That's a problem all throughout the movie. Jackie and co. will be fighting someone, doing either poorly or greatly, and regardless of this, something random will abruptly kill the baddies, like a dart from afar, a fallen weapon, or a well placed spear.

A common trope of kung fu movies is the Chinese people's habit of not satisfactorily finishing stories. Thankfully Half a Loaf of Kung Fu actually gets a proper denouement. It's not much, but I appreciate even a little.

The actors here are all fine, and none overdo it. Jackie is predictably enjoyable. I liked the two girls, who each brought a little something different to the table, and are often sweet, playful, or feisty. The villains are all entertaining too, namely the diabolical witch. A lot of the other actors blend together a bit, but no-one is bad, even if many are superfluous. The biggest crime of the large cast is that it's harder for people to stand out.

If you're looking for a fun martial arts flick, or Jackie Chan vehicle, Half a Loaf of Kung Fu isn't the best, but it's still certainly worth a watch. And come on, that title is irresistible!...

Glen or Glenda (1953)

After a transvestite man commits suicide, Inspector Warren decides to have a chat with one Dr. Alton, an expert in such cases. Alton tells the policeman all abut his recent history with Glen, another transvestite who struggled with how to tell his fiancee

Glen or Glenda is a film that for the longest time has been lumped into the category of 'worst films ever made', purely because of its director. Not only was he a master of the craft, but he was also one of the first 'so bad they're good' directors to have been rediscovered, leading to all of his films being painted with that same brush regardless of quality. Bride of the Monster or Night of the Ghouls? Sure! But Glen or Glenda? Not so, I feel. It's certainly got its weirder moments, but for the most part it's a surprisingly serviceable movie.

The arrangement of the film is a bit confounding, but you get used to it eventually. A mysterious scientist who may or may not be God is the main narrator, but then we've also got Dr. Alton, who narrates the tale of Glen to a curious detective. Glen's story takes up the majority of the movie, but stuck right at the end is another vignette, all about Alan/Anne. Comprised largely of stock footage, it's a fairly decent little tale, and competently made. It may not come off as a proper story, but it never really tries, so comes off far less phony than it could have.

The weirdest part of Glen or Glenda is by far the 15 minute dream sequence. The first section is pretty good, making sense with Glen's anxieties, and the film's overall themes. Everything after that is just random and bizarre though, especially the extended striptease/erotica/BDSM reel, which was a last minute addition forced on by a producer unsatisfied with the movie's short length, and lack of salaciousness.

Ed Wood was a transvestite himself, and this shows in the film, which was not only made by the voice of experience, but even uses a few biographical details from his own life. The general attitude present in the movie is a positive one. Even if the people here don't understand it, they don't demonise such people. A perfect example is when Glen is discussing the topic with his fiancee, saying "Some people aren't happy the way they are" and then her response isn't something bigoted, but the reasonable reaction that it's a drastic step to take. A lot of the conversations  are like this. Many of the characters are skeptical, but are open-minded and willing to learn, and that's the message at the core of the film. Being kindhearted and accepting to learn how others want to live  It's surprising how much more tolerant people were in the 1950s regarding this topic than today.

While the movie is a little dated in some respects, these are largely secondary compared to everything the movie does right, like how it stresses against criminalising the condition, and even uses the correct terminology. I've seen some people say elements have aged poorly, and some of these are valid enough points, while others come across as whinging to me.

While I have been fairly positive to the movie so far, there is its fair share of cheesiness, and it does entertain plenty in that regard. If you don't burst out laughing at the old ladies parroting on about God and Man, you must have no sense of humour.

Ed Wood plays the lead part of Glen, and does a pretty good job at it! He often did a weird job at getting performances out of other people, but when it came to himself I guess he knew what he wanted. Dolores Fuller's deliveries can be a little clunky at times, but she does a mostly ok job, and has chemistry with Wood (as well she should, considering they were a real life married couple). Timothy Farrell and Lyle Talbot have a decent rapport as the doctor and policeman who discuss the film's stories together. And lastly, Bela Lugosi delivers a pretty hypnotically weird performance! He alone gives the movie a lot of its mystique.

To finish, Glen or Glenda is a unique curio, and certainly deserves its place as the second most well known film in Ed Wood's filmography. It's not for everyone, but if the subject interests you, then it's certainly worth checking out...

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Edward D. Wood Jr. was a director brimming with imagination, but short on talent, as his 'unusual skill' has brought the world what have long been considered the worst films ever made. With laughable effects, bizarre dialogue, clunky acting, his filmography is never boring. The crowning achievement of his career is undoubtedly Plan 9 from Outer Space, the most quintessentially 'bad' b-movie of all time...

Strange things are happening in a sleepy town. After the death of an old man and his wife, people begin turning up dead, torn to shreds. The police are stumped, and soon experience casualties within their own ranks. Pilot Jeff Trent may hold the answer though, after he witnesses a mysterious craft in the sky that he can't explain. It soon becomes apparent that aliens have come to earth, and they bring ominous news...

I recently read a quote about Ed Wood that I felt worth repeating here.

"Plan 9 From Outer Space has long been ridiculed as "the worst film ever made", and quite unfairly. While it's undeniably incompetent, what you see is Ed Wood's deep love for the magic of the movies, expressed in a clear vision that just so happens to be hampered by the fact that he's working with no budget, no real actors (save Bela Lugosi), borrowed and stolen sets and props, and a script that he's had to write all by himself (and although he has ideas, he's clearly not a writer). That he, as a nobody with dreams, managed to make feature films when the medium was least accessible and most expensive is a testament to his tenacity and personal investment in movies. So, it's unfair to label him the "worst director of all time", because chances are that if he'd had the keys to the studio system, and had access to money, stars, professional sets and crew, and professional writers to collaborate with, he might have turned out a Forbidden Planet."

That strikes me as being so true. While the idea of Ed Wood making a masterpiece just because he got studio backing might sound laughable, I think of Star Wars. George Lucas when left to his own devices would write dialogue or get performances that were infamous for years. Some creators are great on their own, but others need that helping hand, with which they can achieve greatness. Who knows, maybe if he'd had some other writers to help, reign him in with the sillier dialogue, and iron out any problems, we could have gotten some genuine classics! Though of course I am glad we got Ed Wood films as they are, because I wouldn't wanna live in a world without these hilarious gems.

Plan 9 from Outer Space is a traditional 50s B-movie in every sense. It's got human aliens, dodgy flying saucers, a front-and-centre moral about the dangers of advanced weaponry, and even features Bela Lugosi!...In a way. It moves along at a consistently brisk pace, and bounces between a few neat settings, with even a nice spooky graveyard!

The movie is fairly competent in some ways, but in others you have amusing goofs like visible strings on the flying saucers, shadows of the boom mic appearing, wobbling tombstones, as well as little continuity errors here and there, if you're an eagle-eyed viewer. The most notable bit of incompetency is the replacement for Bela Lugosi.

Beyond the technical side, Plan 9 is full of unintentionally funny moments, such as the police and their bad habit of gesturing or scratching their heads with their firearms (you expect those things to go off and shoot their fellow officers in the face!).

The film is famous for its legendary dialogue, such as:

"Future events such as these will affect you in the future."

"This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard." "And every word of it's of it's true." "That's the fantastic part of it!"

"One thing's for sure. Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered. And somebody's responsible!

"Visits? That would indicate visitors."

"I've never seen you in this kind of mood before." "That's because I've never been in this kind of mood before."

Or the flubbed "The saucers are up there, the cemeteries out there, but I'll be locked up in there."

And the aliens get plenty too, like  "Because all you of Earth are idiots!", and the famous "Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!"

The film's message is actually a really good one! Using the fictional element of Solaranite (the pronunciation seems to depend on who' saying it), it condemns humanity's ever-growing search for bigger and better weapons, regardless of the outcome. While it's a touch hamfisted in the delivery, I really like the concept that aliens are invading not because they're evil, but because we're doing such a spectacularly shitty job that we must be stopped before the universe blows up!

Where this goes off the rails a bit is in the climax. Naturally we know the film won't end with the bad guys winning, or with the heroes calmly going "Yes, all of that sounds reasonable, we'll end all weapons programs right away', and they instead treat the aliens as monsters who need to be destroyed. But by doing so, the film reduces what were previously likeable and heroic characters into aggressive caricatures who'd set themselves on fire if it meant proving a point.

The acting in Plan 9 is a mixed bag. The majority of the performances are decent. Especially performers like Lyle Talbot and Joanna Lee. Others deliveries are more wooden or laughably over-the-top. Dudley Manlove is a hoot, while Tor Johnson, Vampira, and Bela Lugosi (sort of) make for an iconic trio as the ghouls. There may have only been three, and we do make fun, but who could ask for 3 more distinctive zombies than this!

It's the casting of Bela Lugosi that warrants some explaining. He had just been in a few Ed Wood pictures, and was all set to appear in another one when he suddenly passed away. This meant that there were a few scenes filmed of him roaming around as a vampire, and Wood had to figure out what to do with them. After all, he wasn't going to let it go to waste. To his credit he made them fit into the film as it would become really well! Less impressive though is everything else. Since this footage was so incomplete, Wood hired the first person he saw (his wife's chiropractor, to be specific) and had him hold a cape to his face the whole time so the audience couldn't tell it wasn't Bela. It's...less than successful. The man is several feet taller, has a completely different head and build, and is quite obviously hiding his face. It's an amusing element, and as good a workaround as we were ever going to get when the main actor died before production could really begin.

The music here is decent enough, providing a  that's typical of 1950s b-movies without being too cliched, and it all helps build up a great atmosphere

The direction itself is fairly creative, with many well orchestrated shots! The one of Tor Johnson rising from his grave, for example. Sure, it's hampered a bit by Tor clearly having trouble getting out quickly, but it's still a wonderful image.

Plan 9 from Outer Space has earned its place in cinema history. Not for the reasons its director intended, but I doubt he'd be the sort of person to mind. If you're eager for a fun time with some mates, this will make for a great movie night, and even just watching on your on is a fun time...

Beach Party (1963)

Summer has arrived and the beaches are full of 'post adolescent surf dwellers', keen to enjoy the sun, surf, and opposite sex. Meanwhile, they are unknowingly watched by an eccentric anthropologist who's working on a new book, comparing the practices of modern teenagers to tribal cultures. D both  to make the other jealous

Beach Party marked the beginning of a short-lived but long-standing cultural institution. While maybe not the first sun and surf movie, it was definitely the first to get the ball rolling, and was singlehandedly responsible for the vast swaths of surf flicks that littered theatres during the 60s, including seven sequels in only 2-and-a-half years.

The story here is an amusing one, and it introduces the cast fairly well...except in one respect. It kinda felt like just another entry! Nothing really felt like this was the first ever story with these characters. Still, a small issue, not even a real complaint. The film has two main couples-Lovey-dovey teens Frankie and DeeDee, and the professor and his girlfriend. They each get time to shine, and neither hog too much screentime from the other.

There's plenty of variety in the action on display, for everyone to enjoy. I think maybe my favourite scene was when Marianne is swaying by herself to a nice beat as she watches the beach at night. I suppose because we all want to imagine ourselves being at a fancy shindig with all the happening crowds, but something we can all relate to is jamming in the dark to a tune in your own company.

It's par for the course that each entry Frankie and Dee-Dee break up, for whatever reason. In this case Frankie wants to go all the way in a carnal sense, while DeeDee wants to go all the way in a matrimonial one, leading to both angrily swearing each-other off. Neither come out smelling of roses, with Frankie's advances towards Hungarian girl Eva only exacerbating things, while DeeDee judges Frankie harshly for the behaviour she herself is committing too. Thankfully neither come across as malicious or anything, rather just stupid teenagers.

The rest of the cast are a major weak link, not because they're bad, far from it, but simply because they're underused! And this is the first entry too, where we should really be getting to know all these characters, from Deadhead, to Animal, and whoever John Ashley is playing this day of the week.

The film doesn't really have a villain, per se, with the conflict coming from Frankie and DeeDee's arguments, and the Professor's ultimately condescending motives for investigating their crowd. However, we do have some nefarious deeds, courtesy of Eric von Zipper and his Rat Pack! They are fun as usual, with many quirks and habits. My favourite moment with them is when Eric snaps his fingers, and with an automatic movement Puss dutifully holds out a lighter...getting it in the totally wrong spot, and he spends the rest of the scene smoking an unlit cigar.

Also of note is that we actually see Eric learning 'the finger'! Having seen all the later movies first, I'd always assumed it was a skill he always had, and any references to a professor teaching it I just chalked up as something offscreen we'd never learn. But here we actually meet the professor, and see him teach it! It's quite a neat moment, actually, and I think it's cool that von Zipper is able to carry on this ancient technique, in his own crazy way.

The romance in Beach Party is handled decently enough, even though most of the characters deserve a smack. While it's not at all apparent due to the casting (Robert Cummings looks about 15 years younger than what he's playing and Annette is about 15 years older), the 'affair' between the professor and Dee could be potentially creepy, since he's a middle aged man and she's a 'teenage' girl   but the movie is aware of this, like when Marianne makes a Lolita crack that catches him so off-guard he stops talking and stares right into the camera. Overall though there's a sense of innocence with their interactions, that never feels off-putting.

There's plenty of innuendo here, and some saucy implications, but never gratuitously so. That's something you could always count on with this series. No matter how much they'd focus on sex, it never really rubbed it in your face.

Onto the music. The opening song with Frankie and DeeDee is a perfect musical introduction to the series. Don't Stop Now is a pretty fun rock track. Treat Him Nicely is a decent if melancholic dirge. The remainder of the songs are pretty basic tunes, mainly sung by existing performers (in this case Dick Dale and the Del Tones). There aren't that many songs here, all things considered. There's enough, though I wish there coulda been at least one or two more, preferably sung by the main crew. Thankfully later entries would take this to heart (and then some!).

The acting here is fun. Frankie Avalon is a good-looking and competent lead, while Annette Funicello is spunky, and fiercely indignant. Robert Cummings is enjoyably eccentric, without ever going overboard. He spends most of the movie with a distinctive beard, before finally being persuaded to shave it (come on, DeeDee, you should love him for how he is!...But thank you anyway). Dorothy Malone is fun and sarcastic, making the most of her role. Comedian Morey Amsterdam has a decent role here, even if he does dress weirdly!

Harvey Lembeck is fun, though more restrained than in the later movies. The rest of his gang does well too. The two club models have small but distinctive roles, namely in the final battle, where they take a raspberry cream pie to the face without batting so much as an eyelid! Serious props, girls! Special praise must also go to the rest of the Rat Pack for staying so still in such awkward positions after they all get 'the finger'.

Delivered to us with pretty much the whole formula down pat, Beach Party is a pretty nifty beginning to a great series, and well worth checking out...

Sergeant Deadhead (1965)

At a military camp, hijinxs are constantly afoot, with the amiable but clumsy Sgt. Deadhead always making some sort of trouble, and causing yet another delay to his upcoming wedding to Airman Lucy Turner. After a breakout from the stockade, he ends up in a shuttle by mistake, part of a top secret launch. Deadhead is ok, but the journey into man's last unknown frontier turns his brain inside out, and he's a different man when he comes back down, leading to all kinds of new mayhem...

Sergeant Deadhead is an AIP Musical-comedy that came in the wake of the Beach Party series, and was all set to kickstart a new wave of military comedies, so the studio hoped. This never really came to pass, and it's unsurprising. If the kids have just gotten a dozen beach movies within 3 years, they're not gonna be keen to watch the exact same thing just with a different coat of paint. But that was then, in the moment. Looking back now, it is a shame we didn't get more of these. If Sgt. Deadhead is anything to go by, we could've had at least a few more to go round!

The story is a fun one, and is never dull or slow. It is a bit confusing at times though. The film suffers from uneven elements. Certain characters appear infrequently (the monkey included!), songs are infrequent, and the whole personality change is suddenly dropped, with the twin stuff suddenly dominating the plot.

The movie focuses a lot on the then current topic of space travel. For the most part, the movie is fairly grounded, as far as goofy comedies go, but any sense of reality leaves once they get into space, and we see how space travel effects living things, mentally turning mice into cats and humans into monkeys. I mean, obviously, it's science, people! This whole approach is entertaining, fitting pretty well, though is dropped too quickly to make much impact.

Sergeant Deadhead is often lumped in together with the Beach Party series, and was even advertised in the credits of How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, but isn't connected. It's got the same tone of course (although with extra salaciousness), and many of the same actors, but it's otherwise totally different, standing on its own well enough. It was originally slated to get a sequel, Sergeant Deadhead Goes to Mars, but this never happened. This may come as a shame to some, and a relief to others.

The humour in the film is mixed. Overall, it's perfectly fine. Plenty of laughs, and innocent enough as you'd expect from a 60s comedy. Other jokes don't land as well, and some may come across as cringy, depending on your point of view. The 'towel salute' scene is a great example. Some might get a cackle out of it, while others may think it verges on the = [gratuitous], and the joke may have worked perfectly well without going quite as far as it does.

characters

The acting here is a highlight. Frankie Avalon and Deborah Walley deliver fun and likeable performances. Not enough is done with the personality shift or 'twin' for Avalon to really have a chance to cut loose, but he's clearly able to have at least a little bit of fun. Eve Arden is perhaps he best performer in the film! She's witty, funny, and a master of pained expressions. Fred Clark is entertaining as the perpetually exasperated General, while Cesar Romero and the others serve similar purposes, and are an enjoyable presence.

Harvey Lembeck and John Ashley both have supporting roles as fellow prisoners in the stockade, and they're both good. Lembeck is basically acting as Eric von Zipper again, albeit referring to others by their actual names, rather than "YOU STUPIDS!". 'Teen' heart-throb Ashley meanwhile is against type as a nerd. I've read some harsh critiques that say he totally sinks the movie, but it's hardly that bad! For a start he doesn't appear nearly enough to cause such drastic issues. Also, he's played fairly straight. It's not like Ashley plays the role really obnoxiously, he's just John Ashley in nerdy glasses and that's it.

And lastly, Buster Keaton has a trademark role here just as he did in many other films in the AIP teen cycle. He delivers a few laughs with his famous slapstick charm, and appears consistently enough at first, but he too suddenly vanishes after the half hour mark.

As I mentioned, the songs here are few and far between, with the longest gap between numbers being 40 minutes! As for how they rank, some are alright, some are pleasant, and others are hilarious. My favourite was by far The One That Got Away, sung by Eve Arden. A fab comic song, it has great witty lyrics too,   "I thought I had him, right on the hook, but then he took, another look", and other lines too perfect to reveal. The choreography is all neat, especially the creative torchlight song.

Onto the effects, they're pretty fun, and almost cartoony in a way. The rocket launch is a bit dodgy though. Not only is it obviously not the same rocket we see before, it's not even in colour! I suppose this is intended as a joke, and it's certainly obvious enough to come across as one, though whether it comes off as funny or just cheap depends.

Overall, Sergeant Deadhead is a decent enough watch, certainly entertaining for those who enjoy good ol' 60s musicals. It's not the best, but also not the worst either. I mean it! Compared to Dr. Goldfoot, this is the Sistine Chapel of AIP teen flicks! So if you're in the mood for a quick wholesome military comedy, and you've run out of Enlisted episodes, this will definitely fix your appetite...